Angus Garden

The IRS has now confirmed that every United States citizen may have had their financial information stolen.

In an era where the amount of digital data has become increasingly prolific, data leaks have also increased exponentially.

The most alarming issue might not be the amount of personal information leaked but the method in which it was leaked. Sources inside the IRS have reported the information may not have been stolen, as first reports indicated, but actually given away.

“I believe the agent in question put the wrong disk in the movie rental box” reported Agent Ben Heath. Initial reports indicate an IRS agent took home a disk in his pocket that contained income statements on over 250 million US residents by accident. Temporarily forgetting Blockbuster movie rentals reinstated their late fee policy the agent in a rush put the disk in the Transformers dvd box and returned it. Blockbuster reports the movie was checked out 65 times and ripped at least 64 times before the box could be pulled off the shelves.

When asked why there were no complaints about the disk not playing properly the Manager for Blockbuster said “We got a ton of complaints about the disk but we are so used sticking our nose up at our customers we rarely listen.”

Officials are optimistic most US citizens will not have their credit information released. “Its like being on the internet. You are safe because there are so many people on the disk. We lost credit information on 250 million people so the odds of actually having your information abused are probably around 1 in 250 million. Those are very good odds!” Heath stated.

The IRS is looking into the individuals who ripped the disks. The offenders could possible face 6 months of community service and $45 fee for leaking IRS documents or 25 years and 5 Billion dollars for illegal coping of a movie.

Every morning you are there, at your post.
Guiding, directing, showing them the way to safety.
You stand tall amongst the shortest of us.
The children have no fear, for no one would dare challenge you.

You move and the traffic can do nothing but obey.
Your white gloved hands flash like beacons through the fog.
Halt! Proceed! Oh, the majestic discipline!
If I could only show you what you’ve shown me.

And yet, today, there were no flashing gloves.
There was no order, no discipline. The children were in danger.
The traffic flowed without reason.
Where have you gone, crossing guard lady?

Have you abandoned your perch?
Are you off somewhere, seeking brighter horizons? ITT? Welding School?
Perhaps you were injured when you stepped in that pothole.
Come back crossing guard lady. Come back.