Angus Garden

Studies have proven babies have a difficult time establishing acceptable hand-eye coordination which is crucial to operating a cellphone or computer keyboard. Too long have parents tried to figure out their child’s current status through outdated analog methods such as sight and smell. That is why we are so happy to announce BabyTweet, the World’s first Twitter client easy enough for a child to operate. BabyTweet is based on the simple accepted fact that babies can be found in one of three states. After a short period of simple association, your baby will be able to notify you and more importantly the World as to their real-time status. Please check back often as we are constantly working on new products.

Update: A reader just pointed us to Hasselt University’s Twoddler. It seems a lawsuit is the only appropriate action to take.

As the Hollywood writers strike continues, top Hollywood producers are in search for new methods of creative writing. Ron Howard (The Andy Griffith Show, American Graffiti) is among many well known entities looking towards an old technology to be used in a new format. On the top of Howard’s list is Texas Instrument’s Speak & Spell.

“As soon as I had my hands on one, it asked me for the answer. It was listening, it cared. I was impressed. This is the type of writing technology Hollywood is looking for. J.. A.. C.. K.. P.. O.. T. ” said the famous actor/director/producer. One of Howard’s many assistants, Michael John, originally came up with the idea after remembering how well Speak & Math helped him on last year’s taxes.

It is still unclear how this will affect the WGA’s (Writers Guild of America) negotiations with Hollywood’s executives in the upcoming weeks.

Harmonix Music Systesm, the maker of the very popular Guitar Hero series, is planning on releasing another game title to boost their presence in the growing music and rhythm video game market called Recorder Hero.

After posting record sales from Guitar Hero, their newest title Recorder Hero plans to start where Guitar Hero left off, rocking harder.

Many adults will remember the recorder as the first musical instrument they learned. “It brings back memories of simpler times. Ones where I didn’t have to worry about seagull attacks or people braking into my house and stealing butter” said Jerry Porter, pet store owner.

Harmonix would not confirm the song list but most agree Recorder Hero will have the ever favorite hit, “Hot Cross Buns”.

Pre-order sales have set an all time record for the holiday season. While some argue there is no purer form of music expression then the recorder it is agreed Harmonix will have another mega hit on their hands for Christmas.

New York resident Darrel Pines was looking for an escape from his daily grind of work and stress. After reading about the online community “Second Life” he decided to try it out.

Darrel was playing the game for approximately four months before realizing it was too similar to real life, except for the flying and everyone looking like a model or monster.

“Flying is fun for the first month but then it becomes too much like driving and I want someone else to fly me around,” said Pines.

Pines claims to have converted thousands of dollars into thousands of Linden dollars only to find out he was deep into digital debt. He was purchasing the life he could not afford in his real life. It only took a short while before he was digitally living outside of his digital means. Digital bill collectors started showing up at his digital door growing digitally madder each time.

“There is just no place to digitally hide in Second Life.”

That was the end of Darrel Pine’s virtual reality gaming experience. To this day, he has his feet firmly planted in real reality.

“I was just tired of the digital runaround and craved something else,” said Pines. “I mean you can’t even kill anyone in the game.”

The FDA has approved Phase 2 testing for a new drug designed to ease the withdrawal effects of World of Warcraft addiction. This drug UB-429, currently being called Altrlife is being praised as an effective replacement for WoW addiction.

Doctors claim it works in two stages; the first stage will stimulate the afflicted user’s brain with a sense of quick leveling. This alleviates the anxiety a player feels while away from his/her computer. The second stage gives the user a feeling of supreme dominance, thus helping the user cope with “Totalitarian Syndrome.”

Totalitarian Syndrome (TS) is a condition afflicting approximately 25% of the WoW community. More commonly found in players who suffer from advanced addiction, TS has been proven to devastate the lives of those who suffer from it. Symptoms of the addicted can include the overwhelming need to have complete dictatorial control over other WoW players as well as the unquestionable confidence that their decisions are best.

Parents and friends have been calling for an effective treatment for advanced WoW addiction since the day the game came out. There are high hopes for Altrlife. Doctors indicate a chemical dependence could develop but say “the positives far outweigh the negatives.”

McDonald’s will soon be pushing their old clown mascot out of the way in order to appeal to a more tech savvy generation of children.

McDonald’s has gained exclusive rights from Microsoft to use the hugely popular Halo franchise on everything from hamburgers to milkshakes. Microsoft seems very happy with the new deal and was quoted “We are very excited to open another window of opportunity. We feel our Xbox is a great side item to greasy fast food.”

Analysts speculate this could be a home run for McDonalds as they could gain as much as 5% market share from hungry users having to wait for their broken console to be repaired multiple times. But neither Microsoft or Bungie would confirm recent leaked internet reports claiming Halo 4 would have The Hamburglar as the new Covenant leader.

Digitaria ischaemum

One of many weeds that have managed to infiltrate my own lawn, this summer annual reproduces primarily by seeds and comes in two flavors, large and smooth. The large variety can grow more than three feet in height and can easily be used to hide your valuables and small children. Smooth crabgrass is usually no more than 15 inches tall and is much more difficult to hide things in.

This vile weed likes to take up residence in lawns that are warm, moist and sunny. Once established, it can become very tolerant of hot and dry environments and it will drain resources away from your good grasses.

Of course, when it’s dry enough, you can always take it out with a blow torch; a tactic often recommended by my friend 1-bite.

To control this beast without flames and chemicals, avoid frequent irrigation and short mowing. And get down on your hands and knees and pull ‘em, like there’s no tommorrow.

Photo and (some) info found here: http://www.turf.uiuc.edu/weed_web/descriptions/crabgrasses.htm

This article was brought to my attention today, and it deals with an issue that is close to my heart… grass.

http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0419/p13s03-sten.html

While taking in the statistics and accusations swirling around the mowing community in this country, I realized that one day mowing will go the way of Crystal Pepsi. I don’t pretend to know what the future will hold, but I can imagine some possibilities.

One evolution that would remove the need for mowing is a genetic modification to the monocotyledonous that would control the plant’s natural growing height. This would mean that the grass would grow to a predetermined height, and stay there for the life of the plant. Your lawn grass would not ever try to get tall or unwieldy, thus, eliminating the need to mow.

A second theory involves a much less technical solution to mowing. May I introduce nature’s mower, the Ovis aries, or domestic sheep. If we open our minds to the possibility that people in the past may have been on the right track in some cases, we will find out about the fascinating world shared between the grass and sheep. The great thing about this scenario is that the sheep naturally eat the grass at such a rate that the grass is almost never at a height that would lead one to consider mowing. And one sheep is plenty for most large yards. I’m not even getting into the benefits of the wool and carnivorous possibilities the livestock provides its owner.

One day the mowers will fall silent. It’s a little unsettling, but perhaps we can learn to let go of the drone of the mechanical mower and replace it with the sweet sounds of a new kind of Saturday morning.

Fresh light floods the room

New woolen sweater feels soft

Lamb chop with my eggs

My time is free for leisure

Thank you for the gift

Lawnmower racing has finally hit the PC gaming world.

http://evinteractive.com/joomla/index.php

From the web site:

“What happens when you turn a household chore into the wildest mowtorsport to hit the nation in years? Grab your helmet, bore out your cylinders and get ready for the ultimate MOWdown!”

I don’t have computer so feel free to post any game reviews you might have.

Phase 3 – Work crews managed to have moderate success repairing the hydration unit that had proven faulty during Phase 2 of Project Reclamation. Much to our surprise, we apparently mis-identified the broken unit as the No. 4 unit, running off of valve 2. The correct numerical identifier should be the No. 3 unit, running off of valve 2.

Most valves in the estate’s hydration system support 4 to 5 units. Thus, it was assumed that this particular unit, being at the end of valve 2’s hydration feeder tube, was the fourth unit. Apparently there are only three units on this feed. We apologize for the mistake and hope that it has not caused any misunderstanding with visitors or with the media.

Regardless, the hydration system is working now, albiet with reduced efficiency. The dispersion head will eventually have to be replaced/repaired but for now it will sufice.

Phase 3 is underway!